GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have tasted many bathrooms
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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