We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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