i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Drake has all the answers
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
