how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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