there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
