Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
