when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
