I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize