my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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