It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
