$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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