the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
