No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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