***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
