she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
