all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
