I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
