the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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