Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
