Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
