Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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