i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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