$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
