if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize