i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
