I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
