we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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