Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
