I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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