After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize