Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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