Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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