Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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