I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
