i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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