i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
