wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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