He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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