Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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