D3 body, D1 cock
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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