you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
