"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
