All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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