I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
