if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
