highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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