were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
