Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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