i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize