just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
