Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't deserve a penis
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
