Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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