I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
