the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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