A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
