she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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