people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
