i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
