corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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