I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
