Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
