Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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