I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drake has all the answers
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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