where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
