I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
