I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
