i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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