some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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