I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize