I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
