i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize