oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
