I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
