Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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