He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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