my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
