He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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