remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize