Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
