just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
