instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
