Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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