Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
