The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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