are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize