I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
