Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
