We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
