i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize