Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
