I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
