his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
