My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
