You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize