so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
