Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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