I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
