Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize