I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
