what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
