why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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