i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
