a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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