I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
