Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
