Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
