She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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