Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
