Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
