omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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