So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
