sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
