Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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