Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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