K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
