you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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