So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
